Almost Here
by samantha1988
Summary: Gibbs and Mann story. Set before Mann goes to Hawaii but after she finds out about Shannan and Kelly in season 5 episode 3 - ex files


-1**Almost Here**

"_**When I need you**_

_**You're almost here**_

_**And I know that's not enough**_

_**And when I'm with you**_

_**I'm close to tears **_

_**Coz you're only almost here"**_

_**Almost here - Brian McFadden and Delta Goodrem**_

"I don't see why it's a big deal Jethro, it's just a cat!" What started off as a pleasant night with Chinese food and building my boat has suddenly turned into an argument.

"Hol, I'm just not ready for us to get a cat alright. It's not a big deal, I'm just not ready." I try not to raise my voice at Hollis but I'm trying to get her to see a cat is a commitment. I honestly think I'm making a big enough commitment as it is.

"You're not ready for a cat. So does that mean you aren't ready for me to move in here either?" Her voice got louder as I continued to sand my boat. I was forced to look her in the eyes when she stood in front of me. She did look good in my old NIS shirt.

"Hol, when I suggested we move in together, I meant it." I did mean it. I just wasn't sure if I meant it because I thought it was what she wanted after her retirement or because I selfishly didn't want her to start a new life somewhere else with someone else.

"Jethro, you said it in the heat of the moment. If you're not sure about this than tell me." When she lowered her voice I got a little nervous. It meant she was becoming calm. When she yells she usually doesn't think , she says whatever comes out of her mouth. But when she's calm she thinks before she talks.

"Half of your stuff is already here. If I didn't want you here I would have said something before." Her arms crossed, she stood there watching me. I couldn't read her face. It was slightly red. I could smell her perfume. When I go to bed I can always smell it on my pillows.

"Half of my stuff is already here! You aren't going to be honest with me because half of my stuff is already here." I didn't want to be having this argument. Why hadn't I just agreed to get a damn cat.

"Holly, I am being honest with you. Why are you doing this? Are you trying to start a fight?"

"I don't know when you're being honest with me these days Jethro." I knew she was talking about Shannan and Kelly. I wish she hadn't found out about them the way she had. I tried to tell her about them so many times but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"Hol, I thought we were ok about that. If you're going to keep throwing it back in my face than what the hell are we doing?" She was still staring at me with crossed arms but the look on her face was softer. I continued to sand my boat.

"I didn't mean to throw it back in your face. I understand you had your reasons for not telling me. I get you will always love them Jethro. I just need to know if you can ever love me?" I will always love Shannan and Kelly. Nothing will ever change that. I do care about Hollis. I'm not sure if I'm in love with her but I do have a good time when she's around.

"I like having you around. I just need a bit of time." Tears. I looked at Holly to see tears falling down her cheeks. She sat down on the chair and I sat on the one next to her.

"I don't have anymore time. I need to get on with my life. I want you to be a apart of it but if you don't love me than I don't see how that can happen." I lent forward with my elbows resting on my knees and my head in my hands.

"I asked you to move in because I want to have something with you. I've really enjoyed having you here these last few days when I got home from work." I didn't realise how much I missed going home to someone until Hollis moved in. My favourite part of being in a relationship is having someone happy to see me when I walk through the door at the end of the day, hence the four marriages.

Hol put her left hand on my right leg. I could hear in her voice she was still crying. "We can't keep kidding ourselves Jethro. Sooner or later this is going to end. We can't keep delaying the inevitable."

I don't know if subconsciously I was happy she was saying this. A part of me didn't want to let this work but there was a part of me that had invested a lot in this relationship and at the end of the day when everything was all said and done, I did in fact want this to work.

"Hol, it's been a long day, lets just go to bed and we can talk about this tomorrow. " I stood up and sighed. Holly was still sitting on the chair, the tears beginning to slow down.

"We aren't going to work. We both know that. We want different things." Her eyes were red from crying. I wanted to hold her but I knew it wasn't the right time.

"If you really want a cat than we can get one." I bent down in front of her, both of my hands resting on her knees, looking up into her eyes.

"It's not about the cat. I can't do this anymore." Tears again. They fall down her cheeks and some droplets land on my hand.

"Holly, don't do this. Once you say it you can't take it back."

"I'll come by when you're at work tomorrow and pack up my stuff." I felt sadder than I thought I would. I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my face against her stomach. I can feel her left hand running through the back of my hair.

After a minute or so I moved back and held her hands in mine. " I care about you Holly."

She lets go of my hands and stands up. "I know you do but, " I could see her trying to work out how to say what was on her mind.

"It's just not enough." We stood there staring at each other. She nodded her head and I could see the tears forming in her eyes again. I pulled her close to me and I hugged her. I just held her while she cried. I was surprised when she put her arms around me and rubbed my back.

Eventually she pulled away and gave me a smile. Well it wasn't exactly a smile it was more of a slight up turning of the lips.

"We just broke up. Aren't we supposed to be yelling and throwing things at each other." I wiped the tears away from her eyes.

"Holly, I wouldn't throw anything at you."

"I know. I probably should go." She picks up her jacket and starts walking towards the stairs. I don't want to leave it how it is. I mean sure it wasn't a bad break-up but it was hard. And I do care about her a lot.

"I'll walk you out." I followed her upstairs. When we got outside I realised it was raining. I walked Hollis to the car anyway. She unlocked her door but she didn't open it.

"So I'll just get my things tomorrow." We stood in the rain staring at each other.

"I just want you to know that if you ever need me or if you ever want to talk I am here for you. I meant what I said, I do care about you Hol." She smiled and nodded her head.

She put her hands on my cheeks and her lips touch mine. I get caught up in the moment and I find our tongues touching. She pulled away when she was out of breath. We were both soaking wet. She puts her arms around me and I held her head against my chest.

"I got to go. I might see you around sometime." I watched her get into her car and drive off and I didn't say anything. I wasn't sure what to say exactly. I didn't want to say goodbye because that would be closing the Hollis Mann chapter of my life and I wasn't sure I wanted it to be closed forever.

I should have said something. Anything. Now the only thing I can do is stand in the pouring rain and mentally slap the back of my head. Tomorrow I will go back to work and pretend nothing is wrong and hide my emotions from the world but tonite, tonite I'm going to drink until I can't anymore and continue to work on my boat and try not to think about what could have been.


End file.
